Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I
call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW
embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from
me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked
me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I
was looking for Sex."

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me
what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would
like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he
didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand.
I've had Sex since I was two years old."

He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have
Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said,
"But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle
revolves around Sex."

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not
marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would
enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of
the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I
checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife
and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in
the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me
awake at night", and the clerk said," Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show off!" I
told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the
Judge said, "Me too."

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me
too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more
trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day
when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me,
"What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best
friend and it's so lonely."

The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's
best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"